To get things started...

And started things will get...

I’ve been doing a lot of brainstorming in the last day, of things to make this interesting enough to keep the bit going for a while. At the very least I have a few things planned for the next few weeks! It’s all going to be very funny so I hope You get very excited. Are You at the edge of Your seat? Is the way that You are sitting out of excitement for my coming word collages causing You pain in Your ass? Do You feel the edge of Your chair jutting into Your ass bones and causing You Real And Physical Pain? That’s wonderful news. Now I don’t want to hurt my dear readers so please sit back and enjoy what I have for You today.

It was around noon when I woke up, later than I would prefer to wake, but I neglected to set any alarms so it is what it is. I mustered the little strength I had and shoved my large and pink weighted blanket off from over my tired limbs. I arose from bed with only one purpose, I must write, I must continue to write. My dear readers are waiting for me! Everyone is so excited about my first update! They all keep telling me how excited they are! If I don’t get started now then what will they think? That it was all for nothing? That I would give up on this so early? No, I simply can not let down every one waiting, all of my friends and enemies, everyone waiting for another post from me. I imagine everyone going about their day just thinking, wishing, hoping… for another delightful read. Well this is what I’m here to offer folks! Just You wait…

And wait You will. There’s no way I was gonna finish this thing before my raid today. (Note: I actually did.) Not without forgoing length and quality that everyone is going to expect from me. My only goal is to meet everyone’s expectations, which I’m sure are very high. Everyone, all my like, 70 readers that read the introduction? That can’t be right, do I even know that many people? Who’s inflating the numbers? 30 subscribers? Wow. We love numbers don’t we folks. We love to see numbers go up and not down. So You better fucking read my posts. I WILL KNOW. I WILL FIND OUT IF YOU DIDN’T READ MY BLOG. YOU BETTER FUCKING READ IT.

At Your own time and pace of course, it’s not like it’s going anywhere. I just don’t want my dear reader to get so far behind that they have to worry about catching up. This is only a worry because I have so much planned for You. This is all for You dear reader. Everything I do is for You. Every breath I take from now on will be in the name of giving You Content for Your Brain to Consume. Any content enjoyers?

Personally I love content. Speaking of content, I have some of my own content planned today. The Ultimate Coil Of Bahamut in Final Fantasy XIV. I get to slap some funny dragons for hours in a video game. We love to do that. Also known as “UCOB”, this fight features lots of neat mechanics from the first raid in the funny video game! This was the last ultimate I cleared and I can’t wait to go back in for a few hours today. By the time You read this I will be out of raid and enjoying my night. Playing video games with Your friends is so fun. There’s few things more fun than gaming with Your friends!

Dear reader, I want You to know that You Are My Friend. with every word You read, our bond grows closer. I’m sure You can’t wait to get to know me better. If You’ve made it this far then You must be very interested right? Interested, in me? Well now, lets not get ahead of our selves… Unless..

Never mind that. For now I’d like to take a second just to pause. Life is so quick some times and some deep breaths can go a long way. Breath in and out with me dear reader, and find a calmness You were lacking before. Let Your worries wash away as we venture in further through my thoughts together.

As I stopped typing for a moment, I took the time to open my Soylent Chocolate Complete Energy Shake, and just thought to myself… I wonder what the reader is up to as they read this evening. Are You relaxing at home after a restful day? Are You taking a bathroom break during work on Your company’s time, and wasting extra minutes to catch up on an update from Yours truly? If so, this is the correct way to read this blog. If You aren’t committing time theft while reading then I am utterly disappointed in You. If You are like me and don’t have the kind of job that lets You commit time theft, You should get a better job. But that can wait until You’re done reading of course. Our time is more important. Our time, together, just me and You. It’s intimate isn’t it… No one can bother us as You read further, word by word, taking in all that I have to give You.

I can share some things I have planned to do here. Last night I was brainstorming what could be fun and inspiring, and what could reach new levels of shitposting. I’m going to pick a day each week for a weekly review. Reviewing what, You ask? Well everything of course. Lets say I’ll write it on Friday and post it Saturday morning. Sawa’s Saturday Morning Review! EVERY SATURDAY MORNING AT (time to be determined). Who knows what she’ll review next! From novels, to food, to people, and beyond, nothing is out of bounds of this review blog! You might be saying: “Wow, so cool Sara. Such a great a idea! And every week? That’s a lot of posts! Wait, what’s that? These aren’t Your only posts planned? This is sounding like there’s going to more than 50 posts in a year, I really can’t wait to read them all”. Well that’s just what You can come to expect here at “Sawa’s Newsletter”? I really need a better name. This isn’t a newsletter at all! Lets go with “Sara’s Posts” for now. Please give ideas for a better name in the comments! We’re in this together after all, and Your opinion is very important to me! So important, it’s all I care about. It’s the only thing on my mind dear reader so please let me know what You think. I dreamt of Your opinion last night dear reader, I need Your thoughts so bad and I can’t live without them. Please tell me how You feel, I’m begging, I need to know.

I have a lot of other things planned too, maybe I will document a day trip to some where I don’t frequently go, maybe I will have some collaborations with friends and readers and make some very special content for Your eyes! Maybe Your ears will receive content too, from the content factory that is my mind. There’s so many kinds of content we can create, together, dear reader. So please stay tuned.

I guess the other big thing would be updates on my musical endeavors, which could be in writing and with audio clips. While this might not be as funny as shit posts about whatever crosses my bimbo brain or ranting about anime nonsense, maybe it would be a good place for me to share such things? I will consider it if I feel You are all worthy. Likely updates about such things will be included in posts like these.

It’s a new week my dear reader. Do You have something interesting planned? Are You starting a new job? Working on classes to further Your career? Toiling through the monotonous day to day You find Yourself stuck in week after week after week? That’s just wonderful! I want You to know that I Am Here For You. This blog is my labor of love for You, dear reader, and labor it is. Do You know how long I spent writing this? Hours! Hours dear reader! Hours of my day gone just to make this for You. You better be grateful. I am here to make Your days a little better, to soothe Your woes in the form of written prose. I Am Going To Comfort You Dear Reader. Your Comfort Is A Necessity. You Will Find Comfort In My Words. You Will Continue To Read. Your Life Will Improve If You Read My Posts.

Think for a second on the one thing that crosses Your mind through-out Your day. Everyone has one that one thing that comes back to them when their mind doesn’t find something else to preoccupy it’s time. Well Your worries are mine too dear reader. What ever is bothering You is something we will work through together. Think of me as Your Doctor, I am Prescribing You Therapy, and Your Therapy is Reading My Posts.

We have reached eight minutes. My goal for the day has been passed. You were here with me dear reader. If You made it this far than I look forward to our time together. Can I show You how grateful I am? I Am Going To Show You My Gratitude. It Will Be Shown In Time. Can You Feel It Dear Reader? I Am Going To Make You Feel It. All Will Be Felt In Time. The Feelings Can Not Be Avoided. Please Look Forward To The Feelings That I Am Going To Make You Feel.